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Apr. 16th, 2004

Title: Smile Sidefic … Other Mind
Author: Arithion
Rating: G
Genre: Introspective… bit of angst
Pairing: Tez/Fuji
Chapter: Sidefic/drabble to smile
Summary: Because Tez demanded to be let out and have some of his thoughts cleared up…
Warning: Shonen ai ish hints and stuff… Um… yes… ... Tez PoV...first person ... eep



Other Mind


Do you really want him, or do you just think you’re falling? Like the cascade of a waterfall, jumping, twisting, turning… never knowing what’s at the bottom, because those evanescent pearls of water have never been there… and will never have the freedom to return again. They’ll be pulled along with the current, torn away from their partners who cling to the memory of tumbling into the abyss, while at the same time forced together, moulded, pressed, to become one and survive.

Is this what we are? Is this how we are? Is this all we can be?

It is all I can think of, and all I want to say, yet at the same time, nothing I can bring past my lips. Every time it is like this. The touch, the sensations he awakes in me… the dreams he gives me whether my eyes are open or not. I feel trapped, and yet I’ll gladly throw away the key just to ensnare him here with me.

But he isn’t that type of person, and frankly neither am I. With the flash of a smile and the crinkle of his eyes, he shuts me out the same way I keep him at bay. It’d never do for me to let him know how I feel, and I know him well enough to realise that he feels the same way.

That smile is something that bothers me; it eats at me and makes me wish it gone. I don’t understand how the person he is can have such a hollow parody of his true self as a mask. And yet, at the same time I’m aware of just why he would need such a barrier. That he doesn’t need it around me that often anymore, is something that tells me where we stand with each other.

Emotions are something that bare your soul, and they’re something I cant really afford; not around anyone else but him, because he can see past me, to me, through me. A gift, but at the same time a curse, and yet I can’t bring myself to reject it, because I know that he wouldn’t offer it to anyone else. I am his chance, just as he is my salvation, whether he realises it or not.

I can’t be this pillar without him; I won’t have the foundations, the strength. Silence is golden, but his silence is serenely beautiful, comforting… simply him. Sleeping beside me, he seems so peaceful and perfect, but I know that just like me… he is not, and yet it somehow makes him all the more perfect.

No matter how hard I look, I can’t see the faults, because they aren’t really faults, they are parts of him that make the whole… that make him who he is, not to everyone perhaps, but to me and that is all I care about.

There are so many things on my mind, so many things I should be thinking about, and yet somehow he always manages to intrude on those thoughts. And I figure that as long as he and I are the only ones who know this, then things are fine the way they are.

~~**~~

Short, sweet and came pouring out when I was trying to write chapter 15 heh… yeah…

Feedback appreciated…

Comments

( 26 raindrops — Make it rain )
lina_lau
Apr. 15th, 2004 03:49 pm (UTC)
*O* That was so intense! Damn, you write such good stuff! *is jealous* Ah, I LOVE IT! *huggles to death* ^_^
arithion
Apr. 15th, 2004 04:45 pm (UTC)
hehe intense... I guess it is *snuggleglomptacklehugglecuddlewugglewoooooo*

MWUAH HAH HAH
yuki_scorpio
Apr. 15th, 2004 04:06 pm (UTC)
That is so romantic - romantic, not sappy. I can really feel for Tezuka here. *hugs Tez*
arithion
Apr. 15th, 2004 04:46 pm (UTC)
romantic SQUEEEEEEEEEEE

no I swear I haven't had any more coffee!!!!

*snuggleglomptacklehugglecuddlewugglewoooooo*

*cackles*
yuki_scorpio
Apr. 15th, 2004 04:56 pm (UTC)
Are you trying to kill me, woman?
nachtmusik
Apr. 15th, 2004 04:40 pm (UTC)
*squee* OMG that was so sweet, and yet so very Tezuka...a wonderful balance was achieved there. God I just love this fic, and I love where you're going with it!

Oh, and lookit the icon...it was a request of mine...but it was inspired by this fic!
arithion
Apr. 15th, 2004 04:49 pm (UTC)
*snugs* *hugs* LOVE THE ICON

YAY... soooo glad you liked it... I'm a little hyper right now... so don't mind me!!!

nachtmusik
Apr. 15th, 2004 05:33 pm (UTC)
hyper is good! and I'm glad you liked the icon...I thought it was quite nice ^_^
scimitarsmile
Apr. 15th, 2004 04:57 pm (UTC)
going to write this really small so no one knows I've actually come within a hundred feet of *gasp* a PoT fic...but I should take more pictures for ya, eh? I do like the opening segments, comparing interaction to waterfall...evocative.
arithion
Apr. 15th, 2004 05:03 pm (UTC)
well, then I'll answer like this too. *snugs* hehe... and yes... please do... I love your art, because that's what it is, I'd love to breath life into something like that, but I can only try to in words. Inspire me hehe...
violetfury
Apr. 15th, 2004 07:00 pm (UTC)
I really like it. It's nice seeing Tezuka who seems to always be in control being thoughtful.
arithion
Apr. 15th, 2004 07:04 pm (UTC)
*smiles* yay!!! my brain was taken over by Tez... that was scary hehe

Yeah... he's kinda... well... he wanted to show what he was thinking :)
yure_chan
Apr. 15th, 2004 10:29 pm (UTC)
It's from Tezu's POV ne?Sugoi!Loves it...
arithion
Apr. 16th, 2004 02:36 am (UTC)
*nods* that what I said :)

Glad you liked it :)
flyns
Apr. 16th, 2004 12:45 am (UTC)
oh god...*got-so-moved* So simply beautiful! ^.^
Loved it. ^.~
arithion
Apr. 16th, 2004 02:37 am (UTC)
moved is gooooood :) *hugs*

Thank you for reading!
alleyquat
Apr. 16th, 2004 12:16 pm (UTC)
Good God! How did I miss this one before?

*sparkles*

I loved Tezuka here!!! Wonderful work, hun!

*hugs*
arithion
Apr. 16th, 2004 12:23 pm (UTC)
Thanks!!!Well, it's my "Smile" Tezuka... who insisted on letting people know just how it was that he felt, because he was sick and tired of the story being in Fuji's PoV... hence the side-fic :)

Glad you liked it!
earethiel
Apr. 17th, 2004 09:26 am (UTC)
woohooo...Tezuka is sappy....Tezuka is thinking about him and Fuji and...and...and...gah...this is good stuff. i liiikeeee.... *hugs!*
arithion
Apr. 18th, 2004 04:35 am (UTC)
*snugs* I missed this one eeeep
hehe glad you liked it hon!!!
lethanon
Apr. 18th, 2004 04:32 am (UTC)
oooh, I like it. I asked for tezuka thoughts and they were already here...is there more? *leth runs off in search of more tezuka*
arithion
Apr. 18th, 2004 04:38 am (UTC)
well there are a couple of fuji and Tezuka one shots I've written, including a tezuka fuji lemon spin off of chapter 4 I think it was of smile... they're in my memories under one shots

Oh and we have an rp tenipuri_fusion

I play Fuji and my friend Yuki plays Tezuka... sooooo yeah... there's more Tezuka and Fuji logs there if you want to take a look that is

Fuji is my obsession though, so I tend to concentrate on him for the most part...

And soon is today, probably around four hours if I can get what I want done first
lethanon
Apr. 18th, 2004 04:42 am (UTC)
....*gets excited* ....I'm thinking I am waaay too into this but who cares? *runs off to read more*
arithion
Apr. 18th, 2004 04:45 am (UTC)
oh you might want to read the user info if you go look at tenipuri fusion... or you'll be a little lost hehe

going to shower now... need 17 inspiration
lethanon
Apr. 18th, 2004 04:48 am (UTC)
....'mine' indeed....poor Atobe...but i never liked him, so SUCKED IN! MUAHHAHAAA
yuki_mono
Aug. 8th, 2004 04:46 am (UTC)
*huggle Tezu-Tezu* It's exactly my way to think! >w<

Sleeping beside me, he seems so peaceful and perfect, but I know that just like me… he is not, and yet it somehow makes him all the more perfect.

Arithion-saaaaan~This is exactly how I would picture it~You just made Tezuka's -hidden- feeling so....so beautifull~ despite his cold exterior, he totaly understand what make Fuji "Fuji"~

Really beautifull.
~Yuki-mono
( 26 raindrops — Make it rain )